I Am Too Scared, Speak and Write, I Did Not

 

scared-Medium

 

This is not about my poem or my ‘an unsent letter’ content, just wanted to share what I did in the first year of my study. Yeah, it had been long times but sometimes I still do it in same way and make some mistakes.

First of all, I am studying English Literature. Wait, I do not remember. When someone ask me, “Hey, why did you choose english literature?”, “Uhh …. I have no idea, sorry!”. Really, I did not even remember why I chose it as my major. Do you think I did it because I am good in english? Big no!. I am bad, bad, and bad in my first year. Okhay, I understand rules of grammar but only in theory. How to use it in conversation, in writting, I did not know at all. The other problem is about my vocabularies. OMG, when I remember that moment makes me feel embarrased!. So I almost never spoke and wrote anyhting with english. I am too scared make any mistakes.

In the ending of 2017, I joined an english group on whatsApp. There’s a boy in same group text me, OMG I did not know what should I reply to him because I am really scared if he will not understand my text. Okhay, but I did. I guess it made a little sense. We were keeping a conversation for months. Hu um… but I always avoid to have a call, maybe untill now. Again and again about make mistakes always haunt me even though based on fact my english partner doesn’t care and want to improve together. Mom!!! That is my nightmare!!!.

Now, I reach 5th semester and do (small) improvement. I could write few english essay and english poems. How about to speak? I told you in the first paragraph!. Still do in same way, but it does not mean that I do not want to improve my speaking skill. Let me, see me, what will I do tomorrow. Lol, okhay. I hope you (whoever you), if you want to make improvement anything about your skills, just try and do!. Do not be like me! Ewhhh … shy and lazy girl.

 

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